Thursday, August 28, 2008
im UPSET, im DEPRESSED.
is this line, ' i wanna learn piano' a big joke of the year?
whats wrong with it!
when i told my dad about it he laugh at me. and even said learning piano is for primary sch kids or secondary sch kids, keep telling me im i toooo OLD to learn already.
and even say i cant even cope with my studies and work and STUFF like that.
HE even mention that i use to say i wanna learn animation and then i also give up.
firstly, i know that learning piano at adult age is not easy as our fingers are not as flexible as before, but it doesnt mean u CANT learn isnt it?
and also, even if i did say i wish to learn piano when i am in pri sch or sec sch, WOULD you let me learn? i DOUBT it.
and also, i dun see why i cant spend one day on piano once a week? if i have time to play games, and surf net, i dun mind using those time and give up for something i LIKE.
tell me, how many times have i go against my wish and doing things i DISLIKE.
wtf is this.
and yes, i did mention i wish to learn animation, and do u know just attending night classes in NAFA isnt easy? its expensive and where do i get the money when u in the first place do not wan to support me because u find it useless and also u think that i am not up to it.
YES, money cant buy everything, but how can i someone with no money learn animation and stuff like that? do u know how much i wish to retake poly again and go for the dip of my interest?
i have COMPLETELY NO INTEREST IN ACCOUNTANCY.
and now i am back to take it again, why? becoz i had no choice, yea i know. plenty of excuses by me but what can i do? mayb these excuses can make me feel better. and let me hide in my shell and every time i look back and i will see what am a failure am i.
always always always DOING THINGS I DUN WISH TO DO!
wth is this. ok.
since young, i was FORCE to go for tuitions, i know, yea yea for my own good, for my studies ETC.
but do u ever ask me if i wanna take up other things? like piano, guitar or whatever? NO. u did not.
do u know when i was p5 den i knew that u can take up CCA way before that when you are p1, and u can also take up cca like violin or band. do u know how pathetic it was? i did not even know that there was a band in my primary school until i heard them play one saturday. i DO NOT even know about the CCAs in primary school. and just becoz of that i miss everything out in my primary school life. AND ALL THAT WAS BECAUSE i was taught of nothing but STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY AND STUDY.
who was the one who PICK my secondary school? it WASNT ME. i did not pick that school. it was pick by my parents.
AND THEN, secondary 3, i wanted to go for literature, i dun wanna take amaths, and den in the end, i ended up with double maths, and why is this SO? its becoz AGAIN AND AGAIN U PICK IT FOR ME.
not knowing anything is a big excuse, i know it, and i always use this accuse to say why i did not pick the dip i like in poly. because i know nothing.
i knew nothing YET i dun wanna go and find it out myself. i am ALONE. no ppl to advice me on what i should do and how i should do.
and now when i told my dad i have not give up on my animation dream all he can do is LAUGH.
crap. fuck it.
and when i wanna go and learn piano now, coz i am working part time and i have a few HUNDERED dollars, i know it isnt much but if i wanna learn why cant i? its my own money isnt it.
i should have KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT AND GO LEARN MYSELF SECRETLY.
damn.
why is this happening? i feel like a complete failure.
every seconds, every minute, every hour that pass make me so miserable.
am i happy of my freaking life?
why am i here in the first place. i cant even do what i wish to do.
FUCK.
2:20 PM
